MANCHESTER UNITED HAT

Manchester United hat, red, black with some white. Quite worn, like an Alex Ferguson clichéd press release on refereeing standards. This is Manchester United ® official merchandise. The initials “S.P.” and five black spots have been drawn on the label. Short stubs of greasy hair (possibly cat or stoat) inside the hat and what look like small white specks, probably lice eggs (commonly known as nits). So this hat is ideal for nits. A cheaply stitched motif of the Manchester United FC badge is on the front. Some stitching has come loose and some more may work loose later. Made from a low quality acrylic (100%), although you would have expected a Manchester United hat to give 110%. There is the phrase “Keep Away From Fire” on the label, which is good advice but a little late. Acrylic melts rather than burns but the mark (which looks like an image of Homer Simpson) is only noticeable from the back. There are some odd stains at the opposite side, possibly due to over excitement from the original wearer’s friends. There is a roughly made hole on one side and a slit on the other, possible for a handle and a spout. This appears to be a limited edition as it has “Hat 406” on the label but does not say out of how many, a rough guess would be 3,478,267. The washing instructions recommend a warm (40c) wash and no tumble drying. Found in the toilets at the Mad Bishop & Bear pub at Paddington Station (which is a 198.4 miles from Manchester) and there is a strong smell of London Pride, Brut 33 and boiled cabbage, amongst others. These smells still remain even after several washes at a very hot wash and tumble dried for 3 hours. The hat will fit a head with a circumference of 6 inches or less, i.e. Jack Russell. Could be used as a willy warmer. May have been a lucky charm for the wearer, which is a shame considering this Sunday’s fixtures. The loss of this hat may swing the league. Arrangements will be made for collection, possibly in time for Christmas 2008.

The hat is shown, roughly to scale, against a rule, after washing.

No hawkers.